Thursday, June 18, 2009
Eight tips for liking someone better (or disliking that person less)
So I just read this on yahoo and felt it was something worthy of posting. I think I need to try some of these tactics!
Some people are part of your life, whether you want them there or not. What if you don’t have the warmest of feelings for your boss? Your mother-in-law? Your next-door neighbor?
It’s easy to come up with a mental catalog of all the ways in which that person could change to be less annoying, domineering, passive-aggressive, arrogant, etc.—but the fact is, you can’t change anyone but yourself.
Here are some tips about how to help yourself cultivate more friendly feelings. It’s quite a strain to hide feelings of dislike; if you can manage to change your feelings, you’ll be much happier. It’s hard, but not impossible.
1. Seek contact. This is a bit counter-intuitive. If you don't like someone, you probably feel like avoiding that person, but because of the psychological phenomenon known as the mere exposure effect, we tend to like people better the more we see them.
2. Do nice things for that person. “We prefer to see those to whom we do good than those who do good to us,” as La Rochefoucauld observed.
3. Give that person a brief touch. Subliminal touching, i.e., touching a person so unobtrusively that it’s not noticed, increases people’s sense of well-being and positive feelings.
4. Lighten up. Joke about whatever annoys you, and if you can manage it, laugh about it with that person, or poke fun at your own reaction. Nothing neutralizes bad feelings like a good laugh. This can be tough, however.
5. Act friendly. We think we act because of the way we feel, but often we feel because of the way we act. So act the way you want to feel. This is uncannily effective—just try it.
6. Resist criticizing that person. When you voice your complaints, they assume a solidity in your mind that’s hard to eliminate. When your thoughts remain unspoken, they can more easily be changed.
7. Remember happy shared experiences. Recalling good times elevates mood and will help warm your feelings.8. Be grateful. Reflecting on reasons to feel grateful, instead of reasons to be angry or annoyed, will help change your view.
Some people are part of your life, whether you want them there or not. What if you don’t have the warmest of feelings for your boss? Your mother-in-law? Your next-door neighbor?
It’s easy to come up with a mental catalog of all the ways in which that person could change to be less annoying, domineering, passive-aggressive, arrogant, etc.—but the fact is, you can’t change anyone but yourself.
Here are some tips about how to help yourself cultivate more friendly feelings. It’s quite a strain to hide feelings of dislike; if you can manage to change your feelings, you’ll be much happier. It’s hard, but not impossible.
1. Seek contact. This is a bit counter-intuitive. If you don't like someone, you probably feel like avoiding that person, but because of the psychological phenomenon known as the mere exposure effect, we tend to like people better the more we see them.
2. Do nice things for that person. “We prefer to see those to whom we do good than those who do good to us,” as La Rochefoucauld observed.
3. Give that person a brief touch. Subliminal touching, i.e., touching a person so unobtrusively that it’s not noticed, increases people’s sense of well-being and positive feelings.
4. Lighten up. Joke about whatever annoys you, and if you can manage it, laugh about it with that person, or poke fun at your own reaction. Nothing neutralizes bad feelings like a good laugh. This can be tough, however.
5. Act friendly. We think we act because of the way we feel, but often we feel because of the way we act. So act the way you want to feel. This is uncannily effective—just try it.
6. Resist criticizing that person. When you voice your complaints, they assume a solidity in your mind that’s hard to eliminate. When your thoughts remain unspoken, they can more easily be changed.
7. Remember happy shared experiences. Recalling good times elevates mood and will help warm your feelings.8. Be grateful. Reflecting on reasons to feel grateful, instead of reasons to be angry or annoyed, will help change your view.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
LADY GAGA & MARILYN MANSON
I LOVE this mix of Lady Gaga's Love Game featuring Marilyn Manson. Click the link below to go to Perezhilton.com to hear the song.
http://perezhilton.com/2009-06-11-world-premiere-gaga-manson
http://perezhilton.com/2009-06-11-world-premiere-gaga-manson
selling my home & looking ahead
So I'm in the process of trying to sell my house. IT SUCKS! The amount of work that I completed within a 2 week period has been mind blowing. I HATE MANUAL LABOR! OK, I think I need to repeat that...
I HATE MANUAL LABOR!!!! I never imagined that there was so much work involved. I have been working my ass off pulling weeds, planting flowers, redoing the pond liner on a 1200 gallon koi pond, painting the trim inside and outside house, cleaning like crazy, staining the fence...the list goes on and on. Not to mention that I still have to replace the kitchen floor due to the leaky fridge & finish staining the fence.
Here's a pic of the pond just after it was completed a couple of weeks ago.
To check out the listing, just go to http://www.realtracs.com/ MLS # 1091523
Trying to do all of this while maintaining my sanity and also still be a good full time dad is just hard. Now that the house is officially listed, I am now able to relax just a little (yeah right)! Seeing everything completed that I have wanted done for the last few years is so sad. I don't want to sell the house in the 1st place, but am left without many options since the "divorce" or whatever you wanna call the end of my 9 year relationship since us gays can't officially marry. I keep telling myself this is the best option for me and Hanna. I want her to live a better life than average life. Still, I will miss my neighbors, my privacy, my pond, the lake right next to my house, being able to let Romy out whenever she wants. I think I will even miss the dreaded yard work once it is gone.
Life will be different soon enough. I'm hoping I still have what it takes to be able to tolerate apartment living. It has been about 10 years or so since I was last in this place. I keep telling myself that I am a much better person now. I am an adult. I am capable. I am determined. I AM SOMEBODY AGAIN DAMN IT! But I am also a little scared about the future. This is all new territory for me. I haven't been single in more than a decade. I know know that I don't need someone by my side to be successful or to make it through the storm. The last couple of years as a couple (hahaha) have taught me that. I KNOW that I am strong enough. I just hope I will be a good dad, and a good person who can contribute to society. I have given up on the childhood wishes of being famous. I won't give up on being my own personal success!
Geting started...
So I have been reading blogs for a while now, and would like to think that my pointless ramblings may actually be worthy of reading. I know that most of my friends are tired of hearing the same things over and over from me, so maybe somewhere out in cyberspace, someone will listen. Since this is my 1st crack at blogging; please be patient while I get going.
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